It was my birthday today. Happy birthday to me! I’m officially 35 years old, and to be honest I never thought in a million years that I would be where I am today at This is a good thing, in case you were wondering. Overall, I am very blessed in my life. I have a family that I love, pets that adore me and the feeling is mutual! Both my parents are alive, in relatively good health considering they’re both in their seventiesstill happily married and more than willing to poke their noses repeatedly into my life.
I myself am in good health overall, am surrounded by good and supportive friends, and have a number of hobbies and activities that I find fulfilling in my life.
So, lots to be grateful for. I’ve decided that is going to be a big year for self-improvement. This is technically not a New Year’s Resolution, because I was already thinking about it in December, and I decided that rather than give myself an artificial start date and put off the self-improvement until January 1st, I was going to start right away.
So that’s what I did. There is a lot about myself that I need to work on, but almost all of it boils down to chronic procrastination. Everyone procrastinates, of course. Anyone who says they never put off a single task they find aversive is either lying or deluding themselves. That being said, procrastinating once in a while is not the same as chronic procrastination. Procrastination, for me, has been a problem since my early teens, and at its worst it seriously affects not only my quality of life, but also the people around me who sometimes end up having to pay the cost of my having put things off.
What I noticed recently was that when I procrastinate, it’s usually in the context of a self-defeating spiral of anxiety. I get anxious, so I procrastinate, which then makes me anxious, and then I procrastinate more.
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It’s a form of short-term mood repair, but is ultimately very self-destructive. Furthermore, because I have an avoidant personality, I found that I was withdrawing more and more into myself as a result of the anxiety, and therefore not spending the kind of quality time with my family that I wanted. This was a big wake-up call for me. For the first time I have the family I always wanted, and I’m pulling away? This will not stand. I happen to find the website itself kind of klunky in its design, but thus far I love the podcast itself.
It’s just the right mix of theory academic and otherwise and practical applications thereof for me, and has already offered some very good insights into the phenomenon of procrastination.
The one thing that has stuck with me since I started listening a few days ago is the idea that the feelings of guilt that stem from procrastination are actually the result of living in a way that’s inauthentic to one’s true self.
This hit really close to home, and hard enough that it made me sit up a bit in the car where I was listening to the podcast and think that, yeah, that sounds exactly right.